PorcuBimmer Lemons Team

Yeah, I know, the race was a week ago, but I’ve been busy as hell. So better late than never. First of all, the pics:

http://ermilio-photos.smugmug.com/gallery/9328809_o4an8#P-1-20

Mike E. made the trek out to Buttonwillow from Pennsylvania to be part of our team and take some epic photos documenting it all. Thanks so much, your photos really captured the event as it was.

Team Porcubimmer’s latest foray into the world of LeMons racing was at the Buttonwillow Raceway last weekend. After coming in 79th and 32nd place in our last two races, we were thrilled to come in 9th place this time out of 95+ competitors! The total tally:

http://mylaps.com/results/showrun.jsp?id=1270934

263 laps, for a total time of 13 hours and 18 minutes, and we were 18 laps behind the winner. Not too shabby! This was by far the best LeMons race I have participated in (it was my 5th time), but it was not without drama.

The track didn’t open for tech until Friday, but I decided to make the 5 hour drive on Thursday just in case I had any problems. And problems I had. First of all, I didn’t even make it out of San Diego before the rented trailer blew a tire on the freeway. I have no idea how long I drove with it blown, but unfortunately it was long enough to ruin the other tire on the same side of the trailer, as it had to hold all of the weight of the trailer and the sidewall bulged out and scraped against the inner fender in the process. 2 hours and $275 later, I was on the road again with two new Goodyears.

5 miles down the freeway, I was crawling along in stop and go traffic, when I felt a thump behind me. I looked in the mirror and saw a Jeep Wrangler with its front tires up on the trailer! As I pulled into the emergency lane, I was pulling the Jeep too. I got out, and luckily I had my camera with me. This is what I saw:

I figured the Porcubimmer would be pretty hard to ignore, but apparently not. The Jeep drove up on the trailer, hit the back of the race car, and lifted it up and forward a few feet. The trailer had a bent lip, and the Porcubimmer suffered a crumpled quarter panel, rear valence, and spare tire well. The rear bumper did its job, mainly because we had previously welded the mounts solid. The Jeep obviously took the brunt of the hit and had to be towed. Nobody was injured, so we swapped info and after some help to get the car back on the trailer from my former driver Vince (who was towing his own car to LeMons and stopped to help), I was back on the road, and the rest of the drive was uneventful.

On Friday we set up our pit space at the track near Rich’s RV (which provided some welcome shade and air conditioned comfort). We opted to pay for for a half day practice session to make sure the car was ready for the race. My turn was highlighted by me going off track into the dirt (went a little too fast on my first lap), followed by the car dying and refusing to restart. A tow back into the pits revealed the computer had failed. We swapped in the spare and ran the rest of the day without incident. The car ran great and it was clear the track was going to be fast. We finished off the day by eating at one of the best Mexican restaurants I’ve ever been to (with the biggest burrito I have seen), followed by beers and BS on the lawn in front of Motel 6. Yep, the full Bakersfield experience.

Saturday was race day, and Mike was the first driver (he had driven at Buttonwillow before, unlike the rest of us). We were awarded pole position for winning the scavenger hunt, and Mike’s stint was fast but uneventful. I was up next and the car and I ran great. It was a ton of fun out on the track, and surprisingly I was able to pass or keep up with nearly every other car out there. No drama other than me getting a bit sideways in one corner but to my amazement I saved it.

Reid was up next, and everything was going fine until the car started sputtering around some corners. It got bad enough that Reid came in to pit. We checked for fuel and spark and found we had both. With no better idea, we decided to swap computers again, which was easy because the spare computer was zip tied to the main unit in the car, so we just swapped the connector over and sent Reid on his way. Everything was fine after that. I think the computer mounted to the transmission tunnel may be getting too hot, so I’ll have to think of a way to move it and keep it cool.

After this, we checked the current race results and were amazed to see we were in 6th place. Ben went out next and ran great until he was spun out by some Sentra (didn’t see it happen, but he got tagged in the same corner which was damaged in the accident during the tow up) and had to come into the pits after getting a black flag. Luckily we had the “Get out of jail free” cards from the scavenger hunt (I taped a “dispenser” on the door for just such an occasion) but we had to swap drivers. Kris hopped in for his stint as Ben tried to shake off the effects of his dirt shower. We checked the rankings again and saw that we were in 7th or 8th place. Since Ben had to come in a bit early, Kris’ stint would be extra long. We wanted to keep him out until the end of the day since we actually had a chance of finishing in the top 10. This made the team particularly nervous due to his thimble bladder which became an issue at our last race, but he was able to hold out until the end and brought the car in unscathed. We finished the day in 7th or 8th (I think).

On Sunday morning we swapped tires, gave the car a good once-over, and went out on the track once again. The car ran like a clock in the hands of Kris, then Ben, then Mike. Mike then radioed in that the gas pedal no longer worked and he was stuck out on the track. Thankfully he wasn’t too far from the pit entrance, so a tow truck was able to retrieve him quickly. With the car back in the pits, we learned that the accelerator cable had become disconnected from the pedal. We were thinking of how to fix it when a member of the Formula BMW “Pink Pig” team happened to be walking by and saw the problem. He immediately jumped in our car head first (literally) and fixed the cable with zip ties. Thanks, dude!

At least we were able to reciprocate the friendly spirit of LeMons helping a couple of other BMW teams by loaning them belts and a guibo. Anyway, with the car fixed, my stint went great, along with Reids, and we took the checkered flag in 9th place!

The last lap was full of drama, with the 1st and 2nd place cars only seconds a part and battling it out for the win. This resulted in the 2nd place Integra flipping upside down which meant most of the last lap was under yellow flag conditions. It was at that point that Reid accidentally jammed the front of the Porcubimmer into the back of the Pink Pig Formula BMW…. yes, the same team whose driver fixed our throttle cable. Sorry guys!

At least the Formula BMW guys took it in stride, but once again Reid leaves me with some body repair work to do. Damn you.

Ok, this is a long entry, but I’m thrilled at how well we did. This was the ///best race evar for all of us. We didn’t expect to do so well, especially considering most of the teams ahead of us had full race shops or engineering degrees at their disposal. I had to move my dad’s car out of the garage any time I wanted to work on the car!

So, big thanks to our hot shoe drivers Ben, Kris, Mike, and Reid who kicked major ass out on the track. Major thanks also to our pit crew, consisting of Andy D, Andy R, Don, Doug, Mike E, Rich, and Scott, for keeping things organized and sticking to the schedule. Hopefully I didn’t put the “dick” in dictator! Finally, thanks to my dad for all of his help working on the car, and to my patient and supportive girlfriend Chrissy for understanding why I spent every weekend for the last 2 months wrenching on a POS BMW. Okay, maybe “accepting” is more accurate than “understanding.” At least she was able to see that the end result was worth it out on the track!

We probably won’t be back on the track for a while, as I need a break from wrenching. But I guarantee you that the Porcubimmer will be on the track again, in some form or another!

-Scott

First, an update from the San Diego Grand Challenge. Back on 7/25 we once again we headed out to Barona drag strip on a hot Saturday morning to run embarrassingly slowly down the 1/8 mile track. Right when I got to the track, the car wouldn’t start without a push. This concerned me, as the car had no problem starting in the past, but I wrote it off as a dying battery or starter - both fairly easy to replace. But then I noticed the temp gauge was pegged all the way hot not long after the car was started. Uh-oh. Feeling the engine and watching the fan, I concluded that the engine wasn’t as hot as the gauge led me to believe. I was starting to get a bit worried, but decided to give it a run anyway.

I launched the car off the line and … nothing. The car stalled out and wouldn’t start again. It’d crank and the engine would catch for a second, but then die again. I took it into the pits, where it would run for about a minute and then die again. I tried to do some electrical diagnosis but couldn’t figure it out. Rather than risk pissing off the other racers by trying to run again, I called it a day and towed the car home.

Once I got it home, I mentally went over everything I had done to the car since the last race which could have caused the problem. It hit me…. a bad ground. Bad grounds can cause all sorts of weird issues. The weekend before I had replaced the oil pan gasket, and there’s a big ground cable attached to the pan. Sure enough, I checked the cable and the bolt holding it on was only finger tight. I cranked it down and problem solved! I felt kind of stupid for causing my own problem (and a DNF in the SDGC) but at least the solution was simple.

Now, fast forward to today. We were scheduled to run the next SDGC autocross until it was announced that there would be a second LeMons “Junkyard Scabenger Hunt” today. Long time readers (ha) may recall we came in 2nd place in the first scavenger hunt up in NorCal. Since the next LeMons race is in SoCal (sorta), this time Judge Jonny Lieberman headed up a junkyard scavenger hunt in L.A. My dad, my buddies Don, Andy, Dave, and I made the trek up there and barely got to the junkyard in time (I hate L.A. traffic). But the effort was worth it, because we beat out 5 or 6 other teams in collecting utensils, prescription drugs, air fresheners, dealer badges, hose clamps, homework, and other oddities from junkyard cars (including a box of synthetic urine and a pair of panties) and came in first place by a large margin! Our efforts were rewarded by receiving pole position in the race (which means jack squat in a 14 hour race, but hey, at least we’ll be in 1st place for a while!), and three “Get out of jail free” cards. This means 3 of our black flag penalties will be voided! In a perfect world, we would not get any black flags, but this is hardly a perfect race, so getting these jailbreak cards is HUGE! Big thanks to everyone who helped today.

The race is less than two weeks away, so in the next week I’ll be tying up all loose ends and hopefully will get the car into race shape. Of course you can never prepare for all possible scenarios, but I’ll do my best.

-Scott

I realized we haven’t updated the blog in a while, and our legions of fans have been waiting with bated breath for updates! So here goes.

Three weekends ago, Don and I made it out to Barona 1/8 mile drag strip for the first racing event for the San Diego Grand Challenge. Being a mostly stock 125 hp car, I wasn’t expecting much, but we didn’t do so bad. Running on some really old worn out Azenis RT-215 autocross tires as our “slicks,” Don pulled a best of 10.105, and I ran a 10.139, both with 2.2_ 60 foot times. Surprisingly we were just a tenth or two slower than the other two E30 BMWs in the series, both of which should have at least 50 more HP than us. Everything was going great until I made a run and found the transmission wouldn’t budge from 2nd gear no matter what I did. We were done for the night, and Don and I had to drop the driveshaft from the car in the dirt by the light of his car’s headlights so we could tow it home. Luckily our times were good for 5th place out of the 9 competitors there that night. Here’s a photo of our drag monster in action thanks to Dave at RaceCarShots.com

The following weekend Don and I pulled the transmission out of the car to survey the damage. One of the shift forks in the trans had jammed up, so we fixed it. We also noticed that the driveshaft “guibo” was in pretty bad shape despite having being replaced a year and a half ago. Then again we haven’t exactly been babying the car.

After getting the trans back together and installing a new guibo, we put it all back in last Saturday. Luckily the car actually ran and drove fine after our repairs, since an autocross for the SDGC was scheduled the next day.

So yesterday I headed down to the stadium for the SCCA autocross that the SDGC is a part of. I went solo, as Vince was supposed to be my partner but was busy working on his own LeMons pile err…. car. Long story short, the car ran great but unfortunately I didn’t. On the first run, I spun right at the end of the course when the ass end swung around and I plowed down a bunch of cones. Second run, the car understeered after the finish line and I plowed down a bunch of cones AFTER the timing lights. Third and fourth runs were better, with a best of 65.7. This, compared to the top two cars (the other two E3os which had bigger tires and experienced autocrossers behind the wheel - ricer excuses, I know) running 63 second laps put us in 5th place once again. Hmm, I’m detecting a theme.

I mainly wanted to run the car in the SDGC to shake it down in preparation for LeMons and have some fun in the meantime. By having the transmission failure at the drag races, we definitely succeeded in at least the first point! Talking about LeMons… it’s coming up fast. We still need to make a few changes to the car to meet some of the new safety rules (mainly add a 2nd door bar to the roll cage and extend the exhaust), and I have a few other durability modifications in mind since our next race will be in 100+ degree temps. I think I have bitten off a bit more than I can chew by running the SDGC and getting the car ready for LeMons, mainly because I’m the only one working on the car since most of the team has moved away (with the exception of some help from Don which is MUCH appreciated). I had some lofty goals to change the theme on the car which may not happen, but at least we’ll get to race.

Okay, that’s all for now. I’ll try to keep our race fans updated more often! Who am I kidding, maybe 3 people read this haha.

-Scott

Porky’s Totally Awesome Weekend™ continued this past Sunday as we entered our first event in the San Diego Grand Challenge, the Concours d’Elegance.  More like the Concours d’Ignorance if they let us in, am I right?  *canned laughter*

Our trusty steed looked pretty good out there, all washed up…  um.  All cleaned up, proudly displaying the “We Got Screwed” trophy from Altamont ‘08 and my lovingly handcrafted (while somewhat drunk at 1am the Friday before the show) brag board with photos of the build and racing action…

We had a good time chatting with people about the car and were pleasantly surprised to see that some people had actually heard of not only Lemons, but the Porcubimmer as well.  In fact, one of the SDGC entrants was also building a 325e for Lemons, which they had on display.  Their theme is they are taking donations to write the graffiti of your choice on the car, and in return they are turning the donations over to breast cancer research.  Now, we at Team Porcubimmer love boobies, so we had to toss them a couple bucks…

…and, uh, mark our territory, as it were.  They were good sports about it.

We also participated in some karting, since the event was held at Miramar Speed Circuit.  I’ve conveniently “lost” my timeslips.  Hmm.

For showing up at the TV studio on Sunday, Scott was invited to spin the Wheel Oh SNAP (SNAP = Several Negligibly Advantageous Prizes)…

…where we won “the Twins.”  In all SDGC competition events, the single best time from the two fastest drivers is combined for an aggregate total, regardless of whether one driver had the two best times from the event.  The Twins let you take the two fastest times at an event, regardless of whether they were set by the same person or not.  Considering Scott’s pretty much our conedodging ringer, this might actually be helpful!

We passed the SDGC equivalent of BS judging with $100 to spare, which actually kinda surprised us since the SDGC does not consider safety equipment “exempt,” since this is not a wheel to wheel series like Lemons and does not require a cage, harness, etc.  But since the car was built for Lemons, they decided to take pity on us since they realized we’re all completely insane and slightly retarded.

With BS judging complete, it was time to reveal the final Concours scores, which count towards the season point total.  They started reading the results from the bottom up…  and we were amazed when we finally heard our name called:  tied for 2nd, 7 out of 10 possible points!  I guess the “Fit and Finish” category did us in.  The kicker came when the organizers handed out some special awards…  and we won the Judges Choice trophy!

That’s right!  Best in show.  Hail to the Pricks, baby.

The first competition event is June 27 at the dragstrip at Barona.  I’m now taking bets on how fast slow we’ll run.  Come on out and cheer us on, as Scott impersonates John Force (again) and does gigantic rolling burnouts down the length of the 1/8mi!

-AJ

As mentioned below, we have entered the Porcubimmer into the San Diego Grand Challenge. This morning, the event organizer arranged to have a few of the race cars at the KUSI TV studio to do a promotional spot for the SDGC and invite people to come to the judged show portion of the event tomorrow. Only two teams showed up, and our car got the limelight due to its obviously ridiculous… err awesome appearance.

The reporter asked me to do a burnout, so I happily obliged. I am trying to find a way to upload the whole segment from my DVR, but for now, here’s a video of the burnout taken by me pointing my camera at the TV. Ghetto, I know, but what do you expect from this team?

Not too shabby if I do say so myself!

-Scott

With the San Diego Grand Challenge kicking off next weekend and LeMons Buttonwillow fast approaching, Scott, Vince, and myself met in Mexico at Scott’s folks’ house to do a little work on ol’ Porky and our new unofficial support vehicle.

The first order of business was getting a trailer hitch assembly attached to Scott’s girlfriend’s (sister’s brother’s roomate’s…wait) new Highlander Hybrid so we can drag the BMW around San Diego for Grand Challenge events and such.  Also, this allows us to feel smug about towing our hydrocarbon spewing race car with a clean running hybrid.  Team Porcubimmer cares about the environment.  *snicker*

With that done, we immediately repaired to the nearest taco shop for burritos.  So much for offsetting our carbon footprint.

Upon returning to the garage, Scott started working on our movable aerodynamic device, Vince worked on welding up a crack in the front bumper mount, and I changed out the spark plugs and repaired some accessory wiring under the hood.  While this was going on, Scott’s mom was working on touching up the paint on the quills and mouth.

Once that was done, I took a moment to fire up the engine to make sure that I can actually do something as simple as change spark plugs correctly without screwing it all up, and was pleasantly surprised that she fired right up… once I was reminded by Scott that turning the starter without the ignition on doesn’t really work.  Shut up.  Anyway, it sounded more glorious than ever thanks to the valve adjustment Scott made the other week.

After that Vince had to go (something about having a wife and kid and responsibility and all that) so he showed us how to use his fancy new electric shears, and I promptly set to work doing what I do best:  breaking shit.

OK, I let Scott get in on the fun, too.

So after a little bit of Stage 403.9 weight reduction…

We had two nicely (more or less) gutted rear doors.  We were going to do the front ones too but apparently it was getting late and we still had to finish our highly intensive detailing for the SDGC Concourse judging next Sunday, so those will have to wait for another day.  Instead we busted out all of the Griots’ products we could find and the diapers and the ShamWOW and… oh who am I kidding, we made a token effort to cover the sensitive bits of the interior, turned on the hose, filled a bucket with soap, and splashed water all over the car.

Only the finest products and the most skilled detailers are allowed to grace the Porcubimmer with their touch…  oh who am I kidding, I think I squeezed the sponge out once.  After cleaning the rubber off the rear decklid and bumper.

So now we’re ready for the Concourse judging!  If you’ve got nothing better to do (and I know you don’t), come out and say hi to us!

Sunday, June 7, 1 PM - 4 PM

Miramar Speed Circuit
8123 Miralani Dr
San Diego, CA 92126

See ya there!

-AJ

After a well deserved several month break, it’s time for Team Porcubimmer to kick it back into gear.

First of all, Vince, one of our former drivers, started his own team, Chevy High Performance, and entered his ‘83 Chevy Camaro racer in the “Going for Broken” 24 Hours of LeMons race in Reno, NV last weekend. Rich, Kris, and I all decided to go up there and give him a hand. Unfortunately, the car blew a head gasket and most likely toasted the rod bearings after 14 laps and Vince’s race was done. It was still a ton of fun to attend, however, and it got me motivated to get the Porcubimmer into racing shape again.

The next west coast LeMons race is in August at Buttonwillow. I’m currently assembling a list of interested drivers and we will be applying soon (registration deadline is next week). But in the meantime, since the Porcubimmer has been sitting dormant, we decided to enter it in the San Diego Grand Challenge. It’s Grassroots Motorsports magazine’s west coast version of their low buck $2009 challenge, which consists of a series of drag racing and autocross events in San Diego across several months for cars prepared for $1000 or less. There’s a Concours car show competition as well, with one of the judging categories being “fit and finish.” I’m sure the judges will just mark “LOL” for our car. It starts next week and I’m sure our car will fare well in the autocross portion. We’ll be severely outgunned for the drag race, though, but we’re mainly just doing it for fun.

Hope to see you at the races! — Scott

Here’s Ben spinning the Porcubimmer as seen from The Faustest Team’s gold E30 BMW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWBIwKEHTqY

Here is the same spin (video #4 below) as seen from our own car:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1kFEio0aJ4

He almost caught it, but snap oversteer is a bitch! In his defense, the rear end got twitchy on me several times going into turn 3 too, but luckily I saved it. Blind, off camber turns are just a little tricky!

Maybe we need a giant wing for next time.

-Scott

I didn’t get to take many photos as I was too busy organizing our motley crew of racers and pit crew members, so here are photos and videos of our car and the general event taken by others:

Professional photos by Head On
Kris’ photos
Our buddy Charles’ photos
More photos posted online

In car videos:

Video 1
Video 2
Video 3
Video 4

And in my opinion, the best photo of the race which was taken by me:

Yes, that’s our favorite thimble-bladdered driver running from the Port-a-potty in full racing gear. Don is right, we’ll never let Kris forget this!

-Scott

We’re number 32!  32^nd place!  Thirty Second place.  Out of over 100 cars!  Heck, there were so many cars there that Jalopnik only showed the top 100.  The car ran great, the team kicked arse, and the results are frankly wonderful.  Obstacles were encountered and crushed.  Competitors were raced and passed.  Beers were drunk.  The Porcubimmer ran like a champ.  It was a glorious weekend.  Apologies now for details forgotten or misplaced.

Arse-Freeze-Apalooza 2008 at Thunderhill - the promised rain never showed, the temps never got quite as low as some feared they would, and everyone had a good time.  The team arrived in spurts over the course of Friday the 26^th.  Kris and Reid were at the track when Mr. Malone arrived with the car in tow.  They tested it on the track and with honest smiles reported it primed and ready to go.  The rest of the team arrived and General Scott laid out the plans.  The level of cooperation was great.

Saturday morning dawned and the sky was heavy – leaden looking even, to sound a bit cliché.  I was thankful that we had a covered pit slot in case it rained.  Rich had food ready for everyone when they arrived.  We all walked the track.  Kris got suited up for the primo stint in the car.  He and AJ had the radios ready and handed out.  The car sounded AWESOME.  Seeing it queued up in the hot pits was wonderful.  Slowly, the track officials started to get the cars out and parading.  There were a lot of cars.  I really can’t stress this fact . . . seeing the parking lot develop on turn 6 . . . watching cars stall out on the hill up to turn 5 . . . it was comical.

And then came the radio call.  Kris had been parading for, well, some time then.  He had to make a pit stop.  Yes, he had to pee.  What an auspicious start to the weekend!  AJ said no, Kris said yes, AJ said No, Kris said YES!  So in he came.

Thankfully 3 things happened – he peed fast thanks to the team quickly helping him out and back in to the car, he got back on to the track while they were *still* parading the cars in prep for the start, and most importantly – there is photographic proof of him sprinting from one of the track spot-a-pots.  We will never let him live it down.

Other comical highlights of the weekend – boogie boogie Ratbert driving under a yellow . . . Reid’s ongoing and never ending commentary (“take yer vacation someplace else!!”  “get this effin fiat out of my way!”  “Surprise buttsex passing!”) . . . Ben packing 50lbs of dirt into the wheel wells after some rad work passing other cars . . . Kris buttering the sides and stuffing the car into places you wouldn’t think it would fit . . . Scott seeming to be in all places at all times – in the car, in the pits, talking with the judges.  Ben got a black flag for contact when car 45 – the Peoples Curse winner – but turned around by a fustercluck in 5 and right into him despite his best efforts to avoid the chaos.  Reid also had bad luck in 5 on Sunday when, during the dishing out of the Peoples Curse, the track went from yellow to green and I screamed this at him over the radio and off he went passing cars . . . and a slow mustang turned in front of him in a state of total obliviousness to the actual state of the race.  I was one of like maybe 5 people in the tower spotting right then.  We got lucky with black flags and penalties overall – the worst we had was a 10min timeout and driver change . . . much better than some other teams earned.

Mechanically we had a return of electrical gremlins late on Saturday.  Rich was driving and the car started sputtering and cutting out.  He brought it in and everyone descended on it to figure it out.  The car would crank but not fire – is it fuel or spark?  We quickly found it was fuel – the pump wasn’t running!  We ghetto’d up a bypass to get power to the pump and got the car back out, running strong.  After racing ended on Saturday we fixed it proper and left the bypass in as an emergency fix ready to go.  Thankfully that was the only issue we had besides tires . . . and our tire changes were epically fast at about 2mins or so!  Beat That!

If Saturday was grand, the Sunday was simply Epic.  We started the day in 61^st place.  We finished in 32^nd.  The credit goes to our great drivers:  Scott, Kris, Ben, Rich, and Reid.  Mike Y, Mike M, Tyler, Cody, AJ, and I helped as best we could with spotting, prepping the car, changing tires, etc.  We Finished The Race!  Seeing the Porcubimmer racing under the checkered flag was the perfect ending.

-Don